excerpt from faymails vol. 2

ohmy gosh
i am so, something or other..
besides a wee bit tired
but cry me another river chris, what else is new...

i have been drawn to write you a few times
and then sidetracked by this
and then that
imagine.

work is effort
a little bit extra effort than i would have not bargained for
ups and downs
wish i could put to use my workiness ethic likeness that i have at my job
at home.
i keep the kitchen there sparkly kleen,
dishes done with out a grumble or mumble anywhere
wipes of spills
a willingness to keep going
all and more
that i can not figure to translate to home
i hold a thought in my graze of work
to transfer this ethic, this mode,
a howto
to home
naught
to home
to sit
wait
procrastinate
grumble
scream
i just want to go to bed
but not just now
i dont want to miss any quiet
which just may happen a little bit later

cc.

i am completely in love
with my 35 dollar frying pan
i picked up in canadian tire- of course on sale
it has a high ridge
and large flat surface
i am so excited, today i shall make french toast
i think i may be able to fit five pieces at one time!

yesterdays crunching darkened meat something or other
that i of course left in it
slid off like a dream, with a rinse of water, at the touch of my favorite green sponge

i feel a little guilty
loving so much.
for the last week, of my new found love
i have neglected my stir fry fry pan
my pan i used abso lutely ever y day
has been sitting
clean
in the cupboard
(it never does that-always on my stove- displaying what it accomplished the night before)

please, dont get me wrong
i still love my older fry pan
i did not trade up- for a newer model-
i just needed something with a wider surface- so i could actually cook morethanone pancake at a time

the conflict is interesting
the honeymoon period

suksuk

suckie upside down in his mouth, and looking to big for him
bobbing up in down with the rhythm of his suck.
smile in his eyes all in time when he looks at me
how lucky could i be, that glorious second i
need to remember more.

morning in the life of

oh dear, it is almost 6
i have been pissing around cause i didnt want to be up
baby has decided he gets up by 5
i try to convince him to go to sleep for 1/2 hr
then we pitter patter down the stairs
and put a baby Einstein video on
i turn on the computer
decide eventually i should maybe get some clothes on...
turn my nose up at the dishes
i have not one, but 2 full sinks..
and i dont care
oh ya, clothes
downstairs, change load of laundry
and put on 1/2 my clothes, i dont want to get my shirt dirty befor work
grab a handful of cheerios
through them infront of silas
sit back infront of the computer
wonder where the time is gone
and
o h
mygarters
i should put some coffee on
though i am still sitting
wondering the correct spelling of a word here, and there
gathering the motivation
convincing my eyes
that they dont really need to close

week passes by

its really wierd
i like my job
why does that stun me so
but it does
kinda scares me
like i dont want to say it out loud- just in case
perhaps to not jinx it or something...
i even look forward to the possibility to someday
running my own high school caf.
weird.
anywhoi,
i have to go buy some work pants, and shirt
i wanted to chat longer
but life interrupted me
in the forms of squeeky children

oh well
the mind doth swell
into and upto
and over from there
wipe as i walk
pick up with my pockets
boobs over brow
dance to sweat
with crumby bare feet
~

1st day of work

it is so early i forgot where the 'm' key was...
well
about to start my first day of "work".
silas, was up at 5 with a tummy ache, then a big poop, and by time it s all dealt with
- not enough time to get back to sleep
so i have showered
and thought i would write fay a quick line
while all are still a sleep

crap, am i tired
it will be a long day
david is snoring n the background...
he ended up sleeping on the couch- by time he came up to bed
cypris had already reentered our bed and silas too.
in our bed are 3 little bodies, all askew
taking up the queen size room
while here i sit
and david snores on the couch.

i have to go find some clothes to wear
..you can do it chris, you can do it!!!
it always takes me a couple weeks to get used to things
anyeeohwo
off to make 3 cups of coffee

fay, goddess of poetic interpretation

we just had a lazy crizi supper
made the kids sandwiches
dave had our lunch pasta-
and i had yesterdays rice, with shiratzi sauce (hot sauce) bit of maple syrup and,
i just cant have rice without- yogurt (yes i am part greek)
delsin ate the lettuce out of his sandwich, and chastised me for putting the wrong type of mustard on it.

i am so full

baby is begging me to pay attention to him (surprise)
and my stove buzzer is now going off.
...the carrot cake i was going to serve for supper.(had an open can of pineapple)

fay responded to my poems
and i fear her synopsis is better than they are :)
like she understands them better than i do
like a person who speaks in tongues is supposed to have an interpretor
...like i throw them out in hopes someone gets them
she gets them.
and i hate everyone who doesnt ...(not really)

...funny how the mode creeps up
and it forms on a hum
like a grain of wood speaking to the carver
its how i like to paint best too
see what comes
like displacing self
hearing another voice, that is also your own but not - but is?
spirit?
god?
it matters not much.
but i know she could put it beautifully

squirm

silas is squirming himself around
getting everywhere i dont want him to go
like the cracks full of crumbs and who knows what else
that the vaccuum doesnt reach and my eye doesnt catch.
steal vent openings, bent and sharp
the most attractive thing for little fingers
i remember our last house, had eletric heaters on the backroom walls
and they were lined inside with bladelike pieces, and of course delsin would always
cut his fingers
what a stupid invention,
one of the newest parts of the house.

early snow

what a beautiful day
huge fluffy snow flakes
falling down and swirling around
the air is thick with white
but soft
and gentle enough to breathe

i love this weather
not to cold
not to warm
with the blanket seem cozy
and though and though
my spirits are lifted

coffee moment

sitting outside
listening ~
a trickling creek
after the snow
the sound was soothing
as i sipped my coffee
sitting in the sun after the snow
a peaceful time
took me away
i could see the smooth large pebbles
water stream through the crevices of between
~
the comfort and the parralles i can find in the city
so the big rusty grated drain were the pebbles in my mind
it soothed me none the less

si tv

~o~

silas frantically adores his baby videos
he jumps and grunts
and salutes with his new found fake cough
so enthralled he flaps his arms
in communion with the wriggly musical characters on the screen

~o~

waffle

my creative genes have been over washed
rinced away
waiting for the other loadsoh my goodness i am so full
i just ate a wafflezza
yes you know
a left over waffle from yesterday
with salsa and old cheddar on it...
maybe i can start a new restaurant
criszi's wafflezzarama
creamy chicken and broccoli waffles
different variates of pizza toppings
fruit for the fruity
maple syrup~
flavored whipped cream, for those on a diet
waffly goodness
deep pockets
bursting with pleasure
squirting scrumtousness
soothing
comforting
waffles
stuck in the spin cycle

*trying to write a letter and it wasnt working
definately too tired today- need an in bedallday day
kept delsin home from shcool- he needs it too.

sleep has not

sleep has not reigned in this household
the full moon nights
has effected each
ah
the harvest moon
draw at its most potent
i had to sleep silas in our bed
later to coax delsin out
who agreed if could sleep with his sister
and then cypris
who i placed at the foot of our bed
after failed attempts
her refusal won
to get her back to her own
dave awakes in pain
calm himself with a smoke
i struggle to get comfy with out laying on anyone
after sitting in disbelief
staring at my smaller than me space
wishing dave would go somewhere else
only 3 more hours till he transfers
to down the stairs
and i arise
too late
basking in the hour i have room
and another nearly passes
i try not to scream
calmly get everyone ready
we make it out the door
with little resistance
getting to the bus stop
just in time

cyp the funny (an ode to almost 2)

Sippy the funny
hillarious she be
pokin and laughin
haa haa hee hee
She likes stomping around
she can walk backwards too
and when the music comes on
she twirls all asque.
Flapping her arms
and clapping her hands
she can blow through a whistle
bang pots, bowls and pans.
So sweet, its heart wrenching
she likes to wait for daddy at the door
then races to the cupboard
and empties an entire box of organic chocolate animal cookies
onto the floor.
She likes then, to stomp on them,
but she eats lots of them too-
and sharring, yes always,
one to her mom
already half chewed.
Puts a plate on her head
and a finger in her nose
its time to eat dinner,
and anything goes.
With a steady glare in her eye
she drops food onto the floor
and when she is told to "please stop"
she does it some more.
With a blinkler and a winkler
she makes a neat noise with her lip
she loves to drink through a straw
and thats why we call her
our funny SIP

yellow bus

almost time to escort del to school.
ignore mommies
and deal with hords of girls
pawing and fighting
over fingers to pull
and cheeks to kiss
poor little silas
no, poor del
all ignore him
while to his youngers
all attention is being paid
picking up cypris
and begging for hugs
now wonder he sqwacks and whines

ok so i am on this beautiful poetic kick
and delsin is yelling at me to turn on the light for
him in the bathroom because
he is pooing
and there is some on the floor

just a second i cry

busy with my thought train
dont interrupt me
but the 'poo on the floor' line
finally
got my lost attention
i walk to the bathroom
and low and on hold
little turds and a lovely smudge
~what the heck is wrong with you
thats disgusting there is no need
for that
get to the toilet
on time !
i pick up a turd
wipe - need to get some wipes
stay there, yes with your bum still in the air
i come back pants back on
i said to wait i of course yell
he tries to plea with a sorrysorry ididnt meanto
yes you did and i clean up the rest of the poo
oh look
there is some on your shoe
a few probable shitprints
a new pack of wipes
clean clean
all done
sorry to my son
i think my eventful
less
day is done
with what has begun.