excerpt from faymails vol. 2

ohmy gosh
i am so, something or other..
besides a wee bit tired
but cry me another river chris, what else is new...

i have been drawn to write you a few times
and then sidetracked by this
and then that
imagine.

work is effort
a little bit extra effort than i would have not bargained for
ups and downs
wish i could put to use my workiness ethic likeness that i have at my job
at home.
i keep the kitchen there sparkly kleen,
dishes done with out a grumble or mumble anywhere
wipes of spills
a willingness to keep going
all and more
that i can not figure to translate to home
i hold a thought in my graze of work
to transfer this ethic, this mode,
a howto
to home
naught
to home
to sit
wait
procrastinate
grumble
scream
i just want to go to bed
but not just now
i dont want to miss any quiet
which just may happen a little bit later

cc.

i am completely in love
with my 35 dollar frying pan
i picked up in canadian tire- of course on sale
it has a high ridge
and large flat surface
i am so excited, today i shall make french toast
i think i may be able to fit five pieces at one time!

yesterdays crunching darkened meat something or other
that i of course left in it
slid off like a dream, with a rinse of water, at the touch of my favorite green sponge

i feel a little guilty
loving so much.
for the last week, of my new found love
i have neglected my stir fry fry pan
my pan i used abso lutely ever y day
has been sitting
clean
in the cupboard
(it never does that-always on my stove- displaying what it accomplished the night before)

please, dont get me wrong
i still love my older fry pan
i did not trade up- for a newer model-
i just needed something with a wider surface- so i could actually cook morethanone pancake at a time

the conflict is interesting
the honeymoon period

suksuk

suckie upside down in his mouth, and looking to big for him
bobbing up in down with the rhythm of his suck.
smile in his eyes all in time when he looks at me
how lucky could i be, that glorious second i
need to remember more.

morning in the life of

oh dear, it is almost 6
i have been pissing around cause i didnt want to be up
baby has decided he gets up by 5
i try to convince him to go to sleep for 1/2 hr
then we pitter patter down the stairs
and put a baby Einstein video on
i turn on the computer
decide eventually i should maybe get some clothes on...
turn my nose up at the dishes
i have not one, but 2 full sinks..
and i dont care
oh ya, clothes
downstairs, change load of laundry
and put on 1/2 my clothes, i dont want to get my shirt dirty befor work
grab a handful of cheerios
through them infront of silas
sit back infront of the computer
wonder where the time is gone
and
o h
mygarters
i should put some coffee on
though i am still sitting
wondering the correct spelling of a word here, and there
gathering the motivation
convincing my eyes
that they dont really need to close

week passes by

its really wierd
i like my job
why does that stun me so
but it does
kinda scares me
like i dont want to say it out loud- just in case
perhaps to not jinx it or something...
i even look forward to the possibility to someday
running my own high school caf.
weird.
anywhoi,
i have to go buy some work pants, and shirt
i wanted to chat longer
but life interrupted me
in the forms of squeeky children

oh well
the mind doth swell
into and upto
and over from there
wipe as i walk
pick up with my pockets
boobs over brow
dance to sweat
with crumby bare feet
~

1st day of work

it is so early i forgot where the 'm' key was...
well
about to start my first day of "work".
silas, was up at 5 with a tummy ache, then a big poop, and by time it s all dealt with
- not enough time to get back to sleep
so i have showered
and thought i would write fay a quick line
while all are still a sleep

crap, am i tired
it will be a long day
david is snoring n the background...
he ended up sleeping on the couch- by time he came up to bed
cypris had already reentered our bed and silas too.
in our bed are 3 little bodies, all askew
taking up the queen size room
while here i sit
and david snores on the couch.

i have to go find some clothes to wear
..you can do it chris, you can do it!!!
it always takes me a couple weeks to get used to things
anyeeohwo
off to make 3 cups of coffee

fay, goddess of poetic interpretation

we just had a lazy crizi supper
made the kids sandwiches
dave had our lunch pasta-
and i had yesterdays rice, with shiratzi sauce (hot sauce) bit of maple syrup and,
i just cant have rice without- yogurt (yes i am part greek)
delsin ate the lettuce out of his sandwich, and chastised me for putting the wrong type of mustard on it.

i am so full

baby is begging me to pay attention to him (surprise)
and my stove buzzer is now going off.
...the carrot cake i was going to serve for supper.(had an open can of pineapple)

fay responded to my poems
and i fear her synopsis is better than they are :)
like she understands them better than i do
like a person who speaks in tongues is supposed to have an interpretor
...like i throw them out in hopes someone gets them
she gets them.
and i hate everyone who doesnt ...(not really)

...funny how the mode creeps up
and it forms on a hum
like a grain of wood speaking to the carver
its how i like to paint best too
see what comes
like displacing self
hearing another voice, that is also your own but not - but is?
spirit?
god?
it matters not much.
but i know she could put it beautifully